We’re back from our CA trip. We had such a fantastic week with Matt’s family. I must say, I have been blessed to marry into a family which seems to globally possess the gifts of generosity and hospitality. Thank you so much Candi, Andrea & Cynthia! We LOVED being with you guys.
Our week excursions consisted of a trip to Yosemite (I’ve attached some pictures - it was a beautiful winter wonderland), our first In & Out Burger, Candi’s infamous BBQ ribs, our introduction to Guitar Hero, Pyramid brewery, excellent opportunities for relaxation and time spent with family, Russian cuisine in San Francisco at Katia’s tea room, and (of course) multiple viewings of the Nicholas video.
We recreated, rested, and indulged in a little bit of Russia and, to be quite honest, it is only in retrospect that Matt and I are feeling an acute awareness of how much we needed this get away.
Nicholas is obviously perpetually on our minds and peppering our every conversation these days, but the difficulty did feel distant - 3 time zones away from our severely childless home. This distance seems to have provided a much needed respite and will hopefully facilitate riding us through the remainder of the wait.
Being me, I called Inna the moment we sat down at our gate in SFO asking for news from Ekat. She voice mailed me back while we were in flight and said this:
Hi Carla! This is Inna calling. There is no big news, but I’m checking and things are kind of moving. So I don’t want to tell you anything for sure. But, I hope to have some news for you hopefully next week - not regarding the travel, but just kind of regarding the steps and what was done and go from there! So, enjoy your vacation and I will talk to you soon.
Hmmm…sounds interesting. Again, being me, I have obsessed over the hidden meaning in this perky message from Inna and have come up with the following theory: Olga has her meeting with the judge next week and will be presenting our documents. Since FF is reaccredited, the judge will less neurotically review the dossiers because FF will be taking responsibility for the adoption.
Just to be clear - this is pulled entirely from assumptions and wishful thinking. But, it sounds pretty. So, I’m going with it until I hear otherwise.
Inna also mentioned that while she knows I will think she’s crazy (I don’t, actually), she is considering sending another family to Ekat and she wondered if we would be willing to talk with them. We’ll certainly talk with them and though we’ll be very honest about our particular experience, we would never discourage anyone from choosing this region. In fact, on our less painful days, Matt and I even talk about what it would be like to return to Ekat for subsequent adoptions (on our more painful days, not so!). BUT, (more assumptions pending) something must be making Inna feel comfortable enough to consider sending other families at this point.
AND, (final obsessive-assumptive report, I promise) when I contacted Inna to let her know we would be in CA for a week, she e-mailed me and said, “…hopefully you will get home and have to pack again very soon!”
I note all of this not to raise your hopes as falsely high as mine - but to be completely up front about the neurosis inherent in this waiting agony. We are holding onto tiny little comments - little bitty shreds of potential good news - opportunities to twist reality into a version that feels hopeful and promising.
That’s our sur-reality. It’s a borderline neurotic reality in the midst of waiting for four months subsequent to meeting one’s 10-month-old child in a Siberian orphanage with no clear end in sight.
It’s a reality I never imagined myself navigating.
I guess that’s life.
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