Adoption CD / Playlist

This nifty idea came from my husband, whom for my 33rd birthday in June made me a CD / Ipod playlist of adoption-related songs. These songs are not necessarily about adoption, but they do hold a unique significance for those of us whom have walked this path.

Subsequently, I have received suggestions and have identified additional songs that resonate emotionally as well.

'The List' is organic! So, expand it - let us know about songs that have touched you re: adoption, parenting, waiting, God's plan, etc. and I'll add them in.

I posted the list at the bottom of the sidebar to the right, but here it is as well (*my top 10):

Baby Mine - Alison Krauss
Belong To Me - Joanna Carlson
*Bless The Broken Road - Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Blessed - Elton John
*Godspeed - Dixie Chicks
*Held - Natalie Grant
Home - Chris Daughtry
I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachlan
Lullaby - Dixie Chicks
*A New Day Has Come - Celine Dion
Nikita - Elton John
*On Children - Sweet Honey in the Rock
Ordinary Miracle - Sarah McLachlan
*Orphans of God - Avalon
*The Prayer - Andrea Bocelli & Celine Dion
*The Promise - Tracy Chapman
The Search Is Over - Survivor
Show You Love - Jars of Clay
So Hard - Dixie Chicks
Someone Like You - Van Morrison
*Somewhere Out There - James Ingram
*Sun's Gonna Shine - Eric Wineberg
Taking You Home - Don Henley
When Love Takes You In - Steven Curtis Chapman
You'll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins

Enjoy!

cm

Homestudy and Russian dossier (retro)

In May, we e-mailed Inna to tell her we were ready to get started; we completed our application and initiated our homestudy. The application itself was straightforward and effortless – giving us a retrospectively false hope that our 'paperwork pregnancy' wouldn't be terribly daunting.

KidsFirst's turnaround time was head spinning. We put our application in the mail on a Thursday and had our first homestudy meeting four days later on Monday – giving us another retrospectively false illusion that this might be a fairly quick process.

Admittedly, that first homestudy meeting was also a bit head spinning. Brittney, our social worker, walked us through the Russian dossier requirements, which I have listed later in this post. Both the homestudy and the Russian dossier felt fairly logical to us (sans our requirement to prove that we are not on well water!).

'Homestudy', as a descriptor, is a tad misleading. We would prefer they rename the process, the 'family study'. Our time with Brittney was much more about her getting to know our desires and dreams in becoming parents than it was an 'inspection' of our (or our home’s) appropriateness. We met with her on three separate occasions for ~2 hours each time and she came by our house once. Much to Matt’s amazement, we were able to fill each meeting with chatter about childhood, family, our professional lives, and our images of parenthood; as well as our unique perspectives on resolving marital conflict, disciplining our (hypothetical) children, utilizing childcare, raising them in faith, providing education, and the publically tenuous relationship between President's Putin and Bush (Just kidding about that last part! President Putin's politics are certainly on our minds - but, weren't apart of our homestudy tête-à-tête!).

In the end, our homestudy took ~6 weeks. And, in the meantime, we were fervently compiling our Russian dossier requirements. Initially, this felt daunting, but once organized it wasn’t tough at all. This is what we were asked to compile (Gloat alert: this took us a grand total of one week, making us the all-time record holders at KF for Russian dossier paperwork! It's sick that I’m this competitive, I know.):

Family Profile
General Information Form
Application for Registration
Supplement Form #3
Russian Application Form
Power of Attorney
USCIS Application (US Customs & Immigration Services)
Verification of Residence
Medical Evaluation / Certificate (Internal Med)
Letter from Primary Physician
Copy of Physician’s License
Employment Verification Letters
Copies of our Passports
Deed to our House
Commitment to Provide Post-Placement Visit Reports
Commitment to Register the Child at the Consular Service of the Russian Federation
Child Placement Services Agreement
CPA documentation of our assets
State and County Police Checks
Certified Copies of our Marriage License & Birth Certificates
Fingerprinting for our FBI Clearance
Bureau of Motor Vehicles Records (YIKES!)
3+ page Autobiography (for both of us)
5 References commenting on our potential-parent quality (3=non-family)
Copies of our 1040 tax returns for the previous 3 years
Documentation that our insurance will cover a child who is adopted
Copies of our Will delineating a guardianship plan in the event of our untimely death
Bill from IN American Water proving that we are not on well water

Some pictures of our initial stack – it is growing by the minute and we are desperately trying to save trees, limbs, leaves – anything!




Next retro post: Ekaterinburg decision & dossier

cm

Not yet - Already!

Exactly 50 hours after we booked our flights, Inna called to tell us that we're delayed a week (or more...we'll know Monday or Tuesday or 20 years from now - no rush!).

Murphy's Law, you ask?

The psychologist in me just can't latch onto the internal locus of control perspective in situations like these.

Was our trip delayed BECAUSE we booked our tickets two days ago? No!

Our trip was delayed because we are not meant to be in Ekat on the week of the 15th. (Oh, and b/c someone is going to be on a business trip and they are short staffed!)

Why? God only knows - and we may never.

The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord! (Job 1: 20-21)

Anyway, this gives us more time to:
...update our retrospectives here in blogland
...figure out how to upload video of our little one to our US ID doc

What else, what else? I'm clearly grasping at straws here, people!

More when we have it...

cm

Deciding to adopt (retro)

As most of you know, Matt and I have hit some roadblocks on our path to parenthood. We believe that God has used our unique history in this endeavor to open our hearts to his plan for facilitating the creation of our family through adoption.

However, in fairness to adoptive families in general, and given that I’d like this blog to contain some educational value, I want to clear up a couple less-fortunate assumptions and comments that pre-adoptive parents often endure (believe me, there are others – stay tuned!):

1. Not all parents who adopt have struggled with infertility
2. Adoption is certainly not a second-rate path to parenthood

Comments such as 'Oh, you're adopting – now you’ll get pregnant' create painful reminders and implications for families created through adoption; potentially trivializing their unique infertility nightmare and overtly implying that adoption is a stepping-stone to 'real', preferable, biological parenthood - which is terribly unpleasant on the receiving end.

Matt and I have been particularly intrigued by the tendency for others to share international-adoption horror stories with us when we announce our plans. By definition we are expectant parents. Culturally, it is entirely inappropriate to scare pregnant-expectant parents with statistics about miscarriage, stillbirth, and SIDS. But, as adoptive-expectant parents we have been inundated with nightmarish accounts of Russian adoptions gone wrong - from years-long waits between trips, to beliefs about horrific abuse occurring to children in orphanages, to assumptions about systemic dishonesty regarding the medical challenges facing post-institutionalized children, to the belief that this is a 'black market' op that will be a financially shady and underhanded experience, to the opinion that our child is entirely destined to be diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome, to an eerily narcissistic air that adoption involves a search in the 'lesser-half' of the gene pool, to prepping us for the insurmountable attachment issues we are likely to face upon returning home. Most of this commentary relays xenophobic, uninformed opinion. All of this commentary is agonizing to pre-adoptive parents – best to avoid.

Onto our adoption decision-making…

Last summer (2006), we attended a domestic adoption seminar at St. Elizabeth’s-Coleman on the south side of Indianapolis. Truth is, we were a bit intimidated by the domestic adoption process and didn’t feel particularly connected to this parenthood option at the time (subsequently, we’ve learned to live our family-planning lives in perpetual state of 'you never know' – so, we haven't entirely ruled it out as a future option for us).

However, in early March this year (2007) Matt and I attended an international adoption seminar and were blessed to meet a family whom had ~6 months earlier arrived home from Russia with their little boy, Max. This family’s acute connectedness to the blessings of international adoption flipped a switch for both of us (not in the exact same moment, of course!) and tapped a deep desire to connect to these blessings ourselves. Their journey was so intriguing and inspiring to us, we left that seminar feeling fairly confident that, at some point in our future, we would be trekking to Russia to meet our kiddo. In fact, that very day we hit the bookstore and left a large dent in their international adoption resources (which, sadly, were skim to begin with – inspiring some customer feedback from your's truly!).

Less than two weeks later, we were serendipitously connected with KidsFirst Adoption Services (thank you RD!) and after meeting with Inna, we felt assured and encouraged that she would be the woman who would facilitate our child finding his way home! The cards were lining up brilliantly.

Next retro post: Homestudy & Russian dossier…

cm

Just adopt

Reality is – 'just' should never precede 'adopt' in a sentence – mental reservation noted and stored, I’m sure!

In a series of posts over the next couple of weeks, I’m going to explicate our adoption experiences to date. I was thrilled to hear back from some of you expressing your potential desire to explore adoption as a path to create and/or expand your families. Wouldn’t it be wondrous if our blog served to create some kinetic energy in this regard!?

Three weeks from today we will meet our little one (tentatively)! We have been told that the Frank Foundation in Ekaterinburg may change our travel dates as late as four days before we leave. So, we’re moving forward; knowing that we may be may be making major schedule revisions in the eleventh hour.

We booked our tickets today and I have posted our trip#1 travel itinerary on the sidebar. TK - thank you for helping us with our travel plans; we are tremendously grateful for your generosity.

I’m closing with some tidbits to tide you over until I am able to post about our process thus far.

Next retro post: Deciding to adopt...

cm

A bit about Russian adoption:

Early July, 2007 the Russian Ministry of Education began issuing accreditations for agencies to resume adoption services in the country. While there was never a moratorium on Russian adoption practices (contrary to popular media misrepresentations), prior to re-accreditation, we would have technically been adopting 'independently' (More on this in a later post).

Our child will be considered an American citizen the very moment we land on American soil (I kind of hope that happens in NYC - seems somewhat proper!). Ironically, he will be considered a Russian citizen in the air, thus requiring a Russian travel visa to leave the country! Go figure.

Additionally, our child will maintain dual citizenship (dictated by Russian law) until his 18th birthday. If he desires, he can apply to extend that into and throughout his adulthood without being eligible for the Russian draft if he chooses to maintain dual citizenship.

Two sets of laws are particularly relevant to American parents adopting from Russia:
1) The laws of Russia govern all activity in Russia including the adoptability of individual children as well as the adoption of children in country.
2) U.S. Federal immigration law governs the immigration of the child to the United States.

(Given that we’re not even comfortable navigating our domestic legal bureaucracy, this should be interesting! We take comfort in the fact that…)

Russia sent 3,706 children to the United States in 2006, the third-largest sending country (after China and Guatemala, respectively). However, nearly 4,640 Russian orphans were adopted by American families in 2005, down from a record high 5,865 in 2004.

More than 700,000 orphans are living in 2,000 state-run orphanages in Russia. Of those, 95 percent have a living parent unable to or unwilling to care for them.

Tragically, there are an estimated 3 to 4 million homeless orphans living on the streets and in railway stations.

More than 80 percent of Russian orphans in state care fall 2 or more years behind in school by the time they are 12 years old.

Of those who are not adopted and leave the orphanage ~16 years of age:

50 percent of the girls become prostitutes
40 percent of the children become addicted to drugs/alcohol
40 percent become involved in criminal activity
10 percent commit suicide

Just 1 in 10 former Russian orphans becomes a 'functional' member of society.

132,500 children are abandoned to the state in Russia every year, up from roughly 67,000 in 1992.

13 out of every 100 children adopted by Russians are eventually returned to the orphanage.

40 million children in the former Soviet Union are living in poverty.

Truly, child abandonment is a stark and devastating reality everywhere.

Sources: Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation, the Commission for Children at Risk, Human Rights Watch, European Children's Trust, Rosstat Agency

Thank you!

Matt and I are very touched by the kind outpouring of support and excitement about our adoption journey.

Thank you!

We leave for Ekaterinburg three weeks from today (tentatively!). Prior to traveling, it is my intention to post about our journey thus far - catching you up on the dossier and homestudy requirements delineated by both Russia and the Ekaterinburg region. It's been quite an experience!

Truth be told, we have been packed for this trip since the first of August (!) - in an 'any day now' wait for over seven weeks.

So, given that we are ready to go, I should have time to post some retrospectives before we leave!

Again, thank you - it's truly been heartwarming to read all of your comments and e-mail responses.

cm

Growing our family

We are maintaining this blog to document our travel adventures to Russia in the processes of adopting our child and becoming first-time parents.

This afternoon we received a call from the director of our adoption agency (Inna Pecar at KidsFirst in Indianapolis) informing us that she had received tentative dates for us to travel to Ekaterinburg, Russia to meet our baby.

Incredible!

There are a variety of processes through which Russian adoptions transpire. We will be traveling 'blind' on our first trip; meaning we will not go with referral information about our child, but will be matched up with a waiting child meeting the criteria we have requested while in the country next month.

Therefore, we do not yet know anything about him (the odds are very high that we will be matched with a boy; so until we learn otherwise, we are tending toward use of the male pronoun).

While we feel quite open to questions about our adoption journey, our travels and our little one; we do respectfully ask that you refrain from personal questions about his birth family and placement history. We certainly understand the curiosity that international adoption can arouse and we welcome our responsibility to educate others about this most amazing path to parenthood. However, we feel compelled to maintain our child's privacy until he is of an age to determine if and how he would like to disseminate the personal details of his early life. It's his story really, and we intend to let him tell in his own time.

This, however, is our story - our stork travel, as one dear friend cleverly penned it.

Anticipated chapters:

Trip 1: Meet our little one in Ekaterinburg, Russia!!!

Wait: ~4-6 months for our court date

Trip 2: Trek back to Ekat to spend time with our child and legally adopt him; ride out the two-week wait following court traveling by train to Moscow and St. Petersburg; and, finally, back to Ekat yet again to pick up our baby and bring him home (after a final, few-day detour in Moscow to pick up his visa, of course).

It is an overwhelmingly exciting time for us and we're glad to have so many of you to share it with!

Thanks for being here with and for us.

cm

Check back soon...

...As we receive information about our baby and our travel dates, we will be updating it here.

Stay tuned!

cm